Some of us don't wait for the grief to ambush us.
We pencil it in. We order the takeout, grab the good tissues, and let the storm come so we can reclaim the rest of our time.
I know how this sounds.
It sounds cold. Calculated. Like the kind of thing you say when you’re detached or in denial. But that’s not what this is. This is strategic grieving. The kind of grief you add as an appointment in your calendar because you already know it’s coming.
Maybe you’ve done it too.
You feel that strange weather system moving through your chest. A storm on the horizon that’s not today, but soon. The time of year. The anniversary. The way your time off lines up a little too cleanly with the memory of death. Your body remembers before your mind does.
And instead of waiting for it to ambush you on the first quiet day, you think:
"Fuck it. Let’s just get this over with."
So you grab the good tissues, the ones that don’t scrape your face raw. You order your favorite comfort food. You find the weird Ben & Jerry’s flavor you used to eat when your brain was melting. You clear the schedule and you brace.
You let it come.
Not because you want to feel it, but because you’re tired of pretending you won’t. You’ve been around grief long enough to know it doesn’t care about timing. So you give it one night. One space to knock you down. One slow-motion fall into everything you didn’t get to say.
And maybe, if the universe is kind and you’re lucky, grief shows up quieter than you thought. Less like a scream and more like a sad dog curled at the foot of your bed. It still hurts. But it doesn’t destroy you. Not this time.
Maybe the memories are softer than expected.
Maybe you survive the night.
Maybe you wake up… lighter.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s how you reclaim your time.
Because here’s the thing no one tells you:
You’re allowed to be strategic about your sadness.
You’re allowed to schedule the storm.
Not to avoid it, but to make space for it on your terms.
Grief doesn't need to knock you off your feet over and over again to be real.
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